Thoughts on Civics, Character and Elections : "Just Asking."

One of my favorite - and when I say favorite, what I really mean is “least favorite” - things I hear as an ongoing defense for indefensible words or actions is the faux-journalistic question: “I’m just asking…”

The immediate followup I always have when this question is posed, almost always in a certain tone with a certain up-tilt or down-tilt at the end, is whether it’s asked in good faith. Is the person saying this asking in a manner that is genuinely trying to learn something?

Or are they asking as a lazy devil’s advocate; in a manner that lacks the courage or ability to defend or articulate or critically examine a position, but allows them the ability to sound wise, or sound curious, or sound as if they really want to know?

One thing I’ve noticed is that when people genuinely want to know more about a topic or a candidate…

…they don't ask questions in this way.

The questions that most often get asked this way are ones that have been answered a thousand times and there is no wisdom or genuine, sincere curiosity in asking. It’s a way for an individual to sound non-partisan or neutral or even wise; a spirit of inquiry. But often, it’s the opposite.

I’m not going to pretend I’m non-partisan in this election. I have opinions and convictions based on deep reflection and thoughtful examination over a long period of time, yet I am also trying to be open, to be empathetic, and to have a level of transparency in the questions I ask. When I say “trying to be open,” what I primarily mean is that I am trying to understand, truly, how so many people can continue to support a candidate who embodies the antithesis, the opposite, of so many traits and values and principles they say they care about.

In that spirit, I am going to ask, below, questions that I believe are fair to ask about each candidate.

At your dinner tables, in your automobiles, in your family gatherings, ask your parents and children and siblings and friends about these, and see how each of these character traits work when held up as a mirror to each candidate. I’m not going to answer them here. I’m…just asking.

Ask yourselves: can I respond to each of these without lengthy equivocations or explanations, and without pointing a finger or blaming the media for misinterpreting or taking out of context?

Please, parents and teachers: hold these two candidates responsible, as you would ideally do so with anyone you cared about and wanted to hold accountable.

How do these traits hold up? Again, are you able to ask these questions, in dialogue with others, without blaming the media or pointing fingers or claiming misinterpretation, or equivocating or explaining what was really meant? Can you? I am asking.

These are traits that we’ve agreed, societally and culturally, are important for our children to possess and to develop. If we also agree on the importance of modeling these and developing them in ourselves and in the leaders we support…how can we not look at each of these critically and carefully and in good faith?

Just asking.

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*Note: I have pulled many of these traits from an insert in a school planner our 2nd grader received. The listing is generic - and important - but generic in nature. I have borrowed liberally from the definitions of these traits; I do not see any citation beyond the listing of these traits, otherwise I would provide it.

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Boldness…or fearfulness?

Which candidate best represents, models, and/or assertively supports a sense of confidence that what they say is true, right, and just?

Compassion…or indifference?

Which candidate best demonstrates, over time, a mode of thinking and acting that helps to heal the hurt of others, regardless of whether they’re friends, family, or supporters?

Discernment…or shortsightedness?

Which candidate best shows a mindset that seeks to understand deep-rooted, evidence-based reasons for why things happen?

Discretion…or simplemindedness?

Which candidate best represents the notion that we should strive to recognize words and actions and attitudes that could bring undesirable consequences?

Faith…or presumption?

Which candidate best shows a confidence that actions rooted in good, strong character will bring the most optimal outcomes, even when it’s difficult to see exactly how down the road?

Flexibility…or resistance?

Which candidate best represents, models, and/or assertively supports the idea of conscious, willing flexibility, the ability to pivot, shift, and chart a stronger course with plans and ideas when evidence warrants?

Forgiveness…or rejection?

Which candidate best represents, models, and/or assertively supports a plan to move forward, post-election, and represent all, rather than embark a strategy based on vengeance, grudge-clearing, and rejection of perceived enemies?

Gentleness…or harshness?

Which candidate best encourages the showing of consideration and concern for others…not just those who support them, but for others, full stop?

Gratefulness…or unthankfulness?

Which candidate best shows gratitude for those who have come before, for those who have made their life better and stronger, and who generously passes along credit to others?

Honor…or disrespect?

Which candidate best exemplifies respecting those in authority and the offices they hold, as well as the institutions and laws - including election laws - that have governed our nation for almost 250 years?

Hospitality…or loneliness?

Which candidate best represents an attitude of generosity in the sharing of resources to benefit others?

Humility…or pride?

Which candidate best acknowledges the role that others have played in investing in their life and helping them achieve the success they’ve had?

Integrity…or dishonesty?

Which candidate best represents the quality of living consistently by a set of moral and ethical principles?

Joyfulness…or self-pity?

Which candidate best brings a good and positive attitude to their work and relationships and vision, even when faced with unpleasant environments and conditions and happenings?

Justice…or corruption?

Which candidate best represents the pursuit of justice?

Note: calling someone who disagrees with you corrupt is not the same thing as being corrupt. You can give anything and anyone an ugly name. But who are you, over time, and what have your actions represented, consistently? Let us ask this. I am. Just asking.

Loyalty…or unfaithfulness?

Which candidate best shows a sense of deep commitment to those they support - and who have supported them - through difficult times? Who has treated loyalty as a two-way relationship? And who has treated it as going one way, or as something to be doled out when things are going well?

Orderliness…or confusion?

Which candidate best shows a desire to create order around them, to enable and trust others around to help achieve greater efficiency?

Patience…or restlessness?

Which candidate demonstrates an understanding that achieving effective results and getting to where you need to go sometimes requires longer deadlines than you’d like?

Persuasiveness…or contentiousness?

Which candidate best exemplifies an attempt to articulate, with evidence, logic, and relationship-building, important truths and ideas for the future?

Responsibility…or unreliability?

Which candidate best conveys a deep belief in knowing and doing what is expected of them as both citizen and leader; including an understanding of what responsibilities a President, any President has in representing all their people?

Security…or anxiety?

Which candidate best makes you feel greater confidence, greater strength, and greater belief in ourselves and our capacity to work together, live together, build together…and which makes you feel like an enemy is lurking around every corner?

Note: Being consistently afraid is not strength and it’s not preparedness and it’s not wisdom. It’s just being too scared and too weak to look inward and face your own fear at things or people or ideas that are outside your comfort zone.

Self-control…or self-indulgence?

Which candidate has a record of rejecting actions that are wrong, legally and morally, and which candidate has a record of…a different sort; a record that indicates a lifelong pattern of indulging in whatever behaviors or words they want, in the moment, because…they want to?

Sensitivity…or callousness?

Which candidate tries to accurately, truly perceive, or at least acknowledge, the valid emotions and feelings of others, whether groups or individuals?

Sincerity…or hypocrisy?

Which candidate is best transparent about not only their motives, but in in doing what is right and holding themselves and others consistently accountable, even when it’s difficult?

Thoroughness…or incompleteness?

Which candidate best shows the ability to do the hard work, the work that remains once the public isn’t paying attention, in order to get a job done? Which candidate pays attention to the way they treat those working for them, knowing the way they treat them will have an impact on the quality and outcome of the job?

Tolerance…or prejudice?

Which candidate best recognizes and respects the different ways different people live?

Truthfulness…or deception?

Which candidate has a history of earning trust, into the future, by accurately telling past facts?

Wisdom…or foolishness?

Which candidate best shows an attempt to see, to understand, and to respond to life’s situations from perspectives that show foresight and an ability to see beyond the present circumstances?

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These are a few fundamental traits that we’ve agreed on, for many, many years, are important for children to develop. Can we still agree on that?

Just asking.